


Thoughts

by LookatmeImwearingavegetable



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Skyping, also jo's got cramps in this, and Mac is sweet to her, jac - Freeform, not working even though you should
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 03:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1413961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LookatmeImwearingavegetable/pseuds/LookatmeImwearingavegetable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jo thinks about a slight change of her feelings for Mac. They're just friends...or are they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was my first fanfiction in english at the time I wrote it. I decided to post it here as well after getting this account.  
> This is set in about mid-season 7. Oh, and no Christine, this is from a time before her.  
> Comments and constructive criticism are not only tolerated, but hoped for.  
> Enjoy! :)

I don't know how I feel about him. I'm sure I don't have feelings for him. He's my best friends, and my boss. We trust each other intimately and always have each other’s backs. Yesterday I had the worst period cramps than ever before; and as luck would have it all the pharmacies had been closed.

We were on call together and it was a slow day. Nothing had happened yet, it was like all the criminals had decided to go to church and then take a nap afterwards.  
I was lying on the couch in the office that I shared with Lindsay; unable to do anything else. I honestly don't know why I had no proper medication to combat it but unfortunately there was nothing I could do about it now. I was in pain and at work; two things that shouldn't be mixed together if at all possible.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, Mac had made his way over to the office and was now standing in the doorway. I hate him seeing me so vulnerable, but I suppose it's too late now

"Jo? What's up? You sick?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

I attempted to push myself up into a sitting position, "Never mind that… what are you doing here?"

He stepped into the room and walked over to me, "I just wanted to see how you were doing with your paperwork, but that's not important now…" he crouched down in front of me and then gazed deeply into my eyes, "What's wrong?"

I averted my gaze to the floor, "That time of the month," I glanced up at him, "nasty cramps and no medication for them. I usually hate taking something for it but this time it seems like a better idea than this."

Still concerned he spoke again, "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes Mac," I scoffed, "I'll live."

"You know what?" he started, "You're going home. It's a slow day and I don't want you to be in pain. I know from experience that being in bed with a hot-water bottle and a bar of chocolate might be the best thing for you right now."

I had to smile at his gentlemanly behavior despite knowing that this was just how he always was. I rolled my eyes however and saw fit to argue with him, "…but Mac, the casework…"

"It's no problem Jo; just go home and relax." He assured me with an encouraging smile.  
I nodded slowly, "Okay, I'll just pack up my things… help me up?" He gave me his hand and pulled me up. We both smiled, but said nothing. I went over to my desk, putting my keys and other objects I needed in my purse.

He escorted me to the parking lot, gave me a final smile and then made his way back up to the 35th floor. Despite the pain, I went home with a smile on my lips.  
-  
When the door clicked shut behind me, I was relieved to be home after what had felt like days.  
I prepared my hot-water bottle in the kitchen and grabbed my laptop from the counter nearby, opened it up and set them both on the couch. Leaving them behind, I went into my bedroom and collected my big, fluffy covers that I'd gotten out of the closet a week ago (it was almost winter) and carried them through into the living room. I opened the windows a bit and grabbed a bar of chocolate from Ellie's secret stash behind the cupboard and after that I was ready for an evening with a romantic movie. Suddenly, Skype opened itself, and after seeing who was calling me I accepted the video call.

"Hey," Mac Taylor greeted as he waved to me through the webcam. I waved back smiling as he continued, "How're you doing?"

"I'm better. I've got my cozy covers, some of Ellie's chocolate and I'm talking to you." I answered him truthfully.

"So I'm making things better, huh?" he smiled.

"Yes, but it's not all that much fun."

"Oh, so I'm no fun? You didn't that a few seconds ago."

"Oh Mac… you've made my day so much better. Despite all that, it's no fun having cramps. If I could be a man for four days in a month…." I trailed off thoughtfully.

"I don't think that's possible," Mac chuckled, "besides, the team and myself like you just the way you are." I had to smile again because he was just so nice. I also seemed to be experiencing a bad case of butterflies in my stomach.

Mac continued to speak, not noticing, "In fact, I would think that the pain you'd have to stand for becoming a man would be much worse than those cramps you're having."

He was probably right of course. I nodded at him, smiling; I couldn't believe that Mac Taylor, the serious scientist and CSI, was skyping me from work just to check up on me.

"You should be happy for not having to deal with cramps or the pain of bearing children." I stated, nibbling on a big piece of chocolate.

"Speaking of children; where's yours?"

"Ellie's at a One Direction concert with a friend." I told him, almost bursting out in laughter when I saw his reaction.

"One…Direction?" he asked, unsure.

"It's a boy band. Ellie loves them, and if I were about thirty years younger…" I trailed off for a moment with a grin, "You know what Mac? You really should get some work done; but to be honest I don't want you to go. You actually do make me forget my miserable situation; just by making me smile." My thanks were sincere and my stomach fluttered again when he smiled.

"Well I'm happy to help. When does this end?' he asked, showing more concern for me in his tone of voice.

"Tomorrow." I told him

"So I'll see you then..?" he asked, reaching for his jacket.

"Yeah, but why do you have to go?"

"Chief made it clear that I have to attend the budget meeting, which by the way starts in fifteen minutes. See you tomorrow." he explained his departure and waved one last time, before the call disconnected and I saw that he'd gone offline.

Suddenly I was sad, and I could've kicked myself for that. I shouldn't let him affect my life or my happiness this much. Sure he's a good friend, but he'd never be interested in me- Whoa! Josephine, where the hell did that come from? I have to admit that he's attractive, but he's a widower and still likely mourning over the loss of his wife.  
I don't know what role I have in his life. I'm not even sure about my own feelings. Sure, I'm flirting with him, and I also am attracted to him, but am I in love with him..?  
Just for debating that I mentally kicked myself. I'm not in love, not with him or anybody else. I'm just a good, good friend, and that's how it is going to stay...  
I don't know if I can…  
Damn it! This morning I never had any doubts about my feelings for Mac, but the things he did for me today have me thinking. I never thought about it before, but I once was told that Mac Taylor wasn't this funny and flirty around others. He sure has his humor and makes jokes, but Lindsay had said herself that I bring out a new side of him.

We'd been out for a coffee at lunchtime, talking about our lives, work and all that stuff. When I first came to the lab I was scared it wouldn't work out and that my boss would be distant but my worries were unfounded, and we now had a friendship with a strong bond that was hard to destroy, which is the best relationship you can have with a man. Right?

Maybe not… I know he lost Claire and I feel sorry for him losing the love of his life. I don't know if he ever had a date after she died, but I do know him well enough to have seen there still is a man underneath the controlled, bossy outer shell of Mac Taylor.  
Of course, Mac would never allow letting anything happen, and that's good; for me and for him. One of us would have to change shifts – Why am I even thinking about that?  
I think it's because I like him, a lot. Maybe I love him- no. I know I love him.  
I had hoped that the crush or whatever it was would go away as fast as possible, but I couldn't fight it.

I dreamt of him that night and it had felt right and so real.  
And now, here I am the next day, sitting at my desk concluding that I, Jo Danville, am indeed in love with my boss Mac Taylor.


	2. New thoughts

Two weeks ago I admitted to myself that I was in love with Mac. Three days later, Lindsay and I went out for some drinks and I confessed to her. It had felt so good being honest with someone. Since then, Lindsay has started giving me those funny, teasing, knowing looks whenever she spotted Mac and I flirting. She also advised me to tell him how I felt and hope for the best, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was just too scared of being rejected. If he didn't feel the same way, what would that be like? No doubt he'd start acting different around me. Our friendship would be ruined and in the worst case I'd have to leave.

Call me a coward, but I couldn't – wouldn't – risk it. Then again, staying alone, not telling him and then having to watch from afar as he falls in love with someone else wasn't really the top of my to do list either. I didn't want to pine for him across the office. I'll just have to decide, it can't be that hard right..?

 

Mac and I have been working on a new case; but had luckily wrapped it up in less than four hours. Lindsay came over to us to ask us if we wanted to join the rest of the team for a drink after the end of the shift. I hadn't been sure, but after Mac declined, I also rejected her offer, despite how tempting it sounded.

After we had spent some time in a comfortable silence, he spoke up and asked me if I wanted to grab a bite to eat when we were finished wrapping up all the paper work. I immediately said yes. I'm still stunned that I was able to stay so calm in that moment.

'It's just a friendly invite, he heard that you were going to be alone tonight; that's the only reason he asked you.' I kept repeating the sentence in my head, but it didn't reduce the anticipation I felt. If he only invited me to dinner so that I wouldn't be alone this evening, doesn't that show that he does care for me?

Either way, I had to find out.

At dinner I ordered a simple burger and we talked. I was so comfortable around him and I loved it; but I wanted more than being best friends. I wanted to be able to love him. Time flew by and after leaving the diner we shared a hug.

"That was delicious Mac, one of the best diners I've been to." I smiled enthusiastically.

"You're very easy to please, aren't you?" he asked with a slight smirk.

"Oh Mac, you don't know anything. I'm way more complicated than you think." I told him softly. For example you don’t know that I’m head over heels in love with you and fall deeper with each moment I spend with you.

"Hey Jo, I've noticed you and Lindsay exchanging these looks… what are you two up to?"  
The question was innocent enough but I was certain that my face was a bright beetroot red. 'Oh god, oh god what do I say?'

"What do you mean?" I asked nonchalantly. Well played Detective Danville… I though with a silent grumble.  
Mac rolled his eyes and looked at me, "Whenever we talk, Lindsay gives you these looks…" I was somewhat taken aback that he was so genuinely intrigued.

After a moment, I took a breath and told him the story, from the beginning.

 

Now I lie here in his arms, in the dimly lit living room of his apartment. I still can't believe that he feels the same. Three days ago we went out for a casual after work dinner, and three days ago he got himself together and kissed me.

When I turn my head I see him smiling down at me. I can see the love and care in his eyes.

Of course we are both worried about how the team will react, how the chief will react and how Ellie and Tyler will react. Ellie has met Mac before and she likes him very much, but I don't know Tyler will react because… well he's had Russ but no other father figure…

Deep down I know everything is going to work out eventually, and until tomorrow, when we've got a meeting to attend with the chief, I'm happy just being here.

I push myself up until I'm level with him, and I give him a kiss, "I love you Mac."

And I don't want to ever let you go.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks also to ayesis over on ff.net for beta-reading!


End file.
